February 2005 Stuff and Nonsense!

RIP

OBITUARY - Common Sense (funny sarcastic)

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still know him pass this on, if not join the majority and do nothing!!!

 

 

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Feb 22, 2005

 Here's a funny joke I came across - but let me preface it with saying that I hold no prejudice against anyone's sexual preference what so ever. (But this joke is funny has hell!) And I think everyone should be able to take a little joke now and then!

 

An old joke

 
 

 

Two rednecks, Goober and Bubba decided that they weren't going anywhere in
life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.  Bubba goes in to
See the guidance counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.
 
"What's Logic?" Bubba asks.
 
The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example.  Do you own a
Weed eater?"
 
"I shore do."
 
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the
Professor.
 
"That's real good!"  Says Bubba.
 
The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard
, You also own a house."
 
Impressed, the redneck says, "Amazing!"
 
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
 
"That's Betty Mae!  This is incredible!"  Bubba is obviously catching on.
 
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically, I can assume that you are
Heterosexual,” said the professor.
 
"You're absolutely right!  Why, that's the most fascinating thing I ever
Heard! I can't wait to take that Logic class!!"
 
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the
Hallway,
Where his friend Goober is still waiting.
 
"So, what classes are ya taking?"  Asks Goober.
 
"Math, History, and Logic!"  Replies Bubba.
 
"What in tarnation is logic????"  asks his friend.
 
"Let me give you an example.  Do ya own a weed eater?" asks Bubba.
 
"No," his friend replied.
 
"Fag."

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Feb 16, 2005

Just when you're sitting here late at night, bored......... The husband and kids are sleeping. You've visited all your favorite haunts on the internet. You've even stooped so low as to go to awfulplasticsurgery.com to see who their latest victim is. (Boy, stars don't age anymore, they turn into some kind of scary plastic mask!) 

I'm on my second cupcake and there's nothing going on....just when you least suspect -

Raccoons attack!

 2 big old boys were out in the back yard digging around the bird feeders tonight. Every since we brought our big dog KC in the house, we've been plagued with raccoons everywhere. In the garage eating all the cat food, walking on our vehicles. Walking on the roof of our house. I even had one stare at me from a tree while I sat in the hot tub awhile back. Speaking of raccoons.....

When I was little, my babysitters husband used to take a bunch of us kids "coon hunting". (If you follow my site, you know I grew up on a farm in Iowa and yes, we did hunt. And yes, we did kill animals. And yes, we did eat them. And no, I am not a redneck. And no, we didn't eat possum or road kill. And no, I didn't marry my 2nd cousin once removed. ha) ANYWAY -

So my babysitters husband used to take a truckload of us kids coon hunting. He threw the bunch of us in the back of a truck (i.e. rusty pickup) with a couple of smelly coon hounds (dogs for you city folk) It was always in the fall of the year and always at night and always FREEZING cold. We would wonder the woods all night following the baying hounds. And let me tell you, those coons are tough. I saw one almost kill a dog one night.

The coons would be skinned before heading back into town. Everyone would be muddy, wet, cold and tired. When you skin a coon, you peel the skin off inside-out. I remember putting my cold hands and arms inside the warm skins for the ride home.

I guess this story isn't for the faint of heart and may be offensive to some, but that's the way it was.

Growing up on a farm was VERY lonely at times and probably wasn't the best socialization for my shy nature. But there were other perks. My love of animals and my creative nature. Heck, you had to come up with SOMETHING to do!

****

So Valentines day.....what did you get? I would call this my "plastic" year. (You know, how anniversaries are categorized into paper, linen, china, gold and such)       Anyway - This year my husband bought me a rubber.

ha....

A rubber "skin" for my IPod player. (You know, those little music deals they have now) I almost had you, didn't I?

****

Oh yeah, and my youngest made another basket at a scrimmage game the other night. He's a regular Michael Jordan! kinda....ok, well not. But he's trying.

****

And my kind, gentle and loving oldest son is starting to have those pre-teen moody days. Like being mad at me for a day after I trimmed his hair.

 

Feb 14, 2005

Happy Valentines Day!

Speaking of Valentines day.....the boys are bouncing off the walls due to the sugar buzz from the parties at school.

At last Saturday's basketball game, my youngest son scored his first basket ever. Neither of my boys are that gifted in the athletic department, so this was a really big deal. He was so shocked that he actually made it that he completely lost his concentration and almost made another basket........for the OTHER TEAM! It was pretty funny. I'm really proud of him. And it figures, my husband was home sick with a cold and he (and the camcorder) missed the famous first basket!

 

Feb 10, 2005

I saw this quote and thought it's pretty cool.

 "She's got alot of brains and art in her veins"

****

Speaking of expensive sheets.......well, my trip to return them didn't turn out as planned. I purchased them Dec. 27. Kept my receipts and packaging and everything. And then they tell me since it's been over 30 days I'm basically screwed. Oh, let me mention the store (YONKERS) that I won't be shopping at anymore. It's YONKERS!

 Now when you purchase sheets that are over $100.00, I think they should last longer than 1 1/2 months. But YONKERS doesn't see it that way. Or maybe I'm just stupid for purchasing sheets that are that ridiculously expensive. So maybe the above quote doesn't apply to me...you know, the part about brains. Anyway.....have I mentioned that I won't be shopping at YONKERS any longer?

So ends my rant of the day....

 

Feb 7, 2005

 Satin Sheets to lie on....Satin sheets to cry on.....(over the price!)

I'll admit it. I got caught up in the whole "Egyptian Cotton" gazillion thread count sheet craze. Ridiculously expensive fabric for bed sheets! But oh.....they were so soft and warm....

Were...For about a month.

Then the pilling started.....you know, those little nubs that aren't nice and soft at all. Like you would get on a sweater. Only I got them on my ridiculously expensive Egyptian cotton gazillion thread count sheets!

So back to the ridiculously expensive department store to return my ridiculously expensive sheets. I guess I'll stick with my cheap-o K-Mart Martha (X-Con) Stewart sheets from now on.

Any go by some glass with the money I get back!

Feb 6, 2005

 Today I vacuumed the big dog....nuff said.

(Actually, I think she kind of liked it....but it didn't seem to help with the shedding at all.)

Feb 5, 2005

 The hives are finally gone (but then so are the steroids) so let's keep our fingers crossed the hives don't return!

Nothing else exciting to report from this last week. It's a gorgeous warm day, but it's so wet and muddy that you can only sit inside and wish you were outside.

I think our big dog KC has the right idea here.

I'm thinking about taking a 'big dog nap' but I really should make beads.....

Here's the latest 'Stinky Max' picture, also soaking up some sun today.